


All Our Secrets (They Are Tailored Trouble)

by DeathDama



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Ben was catfished, Eating Disorders, Emo Ben Solo, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Family Issues, I swear it wasn't supposed to be this angsty, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Poe is Mexican, Rey was Myspace famous, Rey was a scene kid, The nostlagia fic no one asked for, Therapy, Trauma, Trust Issues, fear of intimacy, myspace au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-02 11:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19198291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathDama/pseuds/DeathDama
Summary: Rey joins a 2000’s nostalgia group on Facebook for what’s supposed to be a fun time. She crosses the world’s most arrogant admin. She has no idea that they’re connected in a way she can’t imagine. Or; someone used Rey’s pics to catfish Ben a decade ago and he hasn’t let it go.





	1. It Takes One To Know One

**Author's Note:**

> This is the early 00's nostlagia fic no one asked for. It was originally meant to be an epistolary fic but it developed into a full fledged story. 
> 
> I want to thank [violethoure666](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violethoure666/profile) for being the one I could brainstorm with. She legit helped me so much with story development. 
> 
> Thank you to [pr3tty_g1rl5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pr3tty_g1rl5/profile) for reading through and giving me the constant validation I need.
> 
> And a major shout out and thank you to [QuixoticLux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quixoticlux/profile) for helping me figure out how to work this damn site so I could upload images. Also because her moodboards are the best. 
> 
> All of these lovely ladies have works you should most definitely check out.

   

          

_If you want to play it like a game_

 

_Well, come on, come on, let's play_

 

_'Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending_

 

_Than have to forget you for one whole minute_

 

_CrushCrushCrush - Paramore_

 

“Oh, that insufferable twit!” Rey grunts, typing away on her phone at lightning speed. “I swear, some people never really leave high school, do they?”

 

Finn and Poe are playing Street Fighter, their drinks neatly tucked into the drink holders the bar has set up next to the arcade game.

 

It’s a Friday night, Rey’s work week has been more stable with its schedule, but stressful nonetheless. Being a music journalist means she has to shape her life around the events she’s required to attend. Thankfully, there was nothing she was needed for tonight. A rarity where she lives. San Diego is always bustling with music events.

 

So the fact that she’s off tonight is a miracle of sorts, and she should be soaking in the night. Enjoying the drinks and games. She should just ignore the moron who keeps mansplaining music theory to her.

 

She’s just hit send on her latest comment, a litany of colorful insults she was all too eager to publish when Finn snags her phone away.

 

“Hey!” She flails. “Give it back!”

 

“Oh, do you mean this?” He holds the phone above her head and then tosses it to Poe.  

Rey has a near heart attack. That phone is her life. Not just because she has endless work-related notes in it.

 

Rather than giving the phone back, Poe’s curiosity wins over. “ _The mere fact that you hold such contempt for a 15-year-old album speaks solely to your inability to develop as a human_ —geez Gordon Ramsay, what’s got you so wound up? You’re supposed to be relaxing right now. Not writing music reviews for free.”

 

“Sounds like you’re arguing with Kylo Ren again,” Finn deadpans. He’s as fond of Kylo as Rey is, the only difference is he doesn’t give the guy the time of day.

 

“What happened with Kylo now?” Rose inquires, looking equally unsurprised and amused as she walks into the bar.

 

“You’re late,” Finn sniffs, acting bratty despite knowing full well that every 2nd Friday of the month Rose’s parents require that she and her older sister meet them for dinner.

 

“And what about it?” Rose replies with an eye roll, and dismissively flips her hair. “So, what’d I miss? Rey tearing Kylo Ren a new asshole?”

 

“So what if I am? I can’t help it if the dude is horrified of a woman with an opinion.”

 

“It costs nothing for you to just turn off your group notifications and ignore his comments for once in your life, Rey,” lectures Poe.

The four of them joined the famed Facebook nostalgia group _HTML Rulez Dood_ one night after staying up late, smoking weed and listening to old playlists from their high school days. All had been fun and lighthearted until Rey decided to make a My Chemical Romance appreciation post. That’s when she crossed paths with Kylo Ren, the most insufferable admin she’d ever had the displeasure of interacting with.

 

She sighs, knowing Poe is right but itching to check if Kylo’s replied. It’s sort of an unspoken rule that the last person to write is the winner. She knows it’s childish and it annoys her how little she cares.

 

“You’re right,” Rey concedes. “Just let me turn off the notifications and I’ll get the next round.”

 

Finn and Poe narrow their eyes at her in unison. Through the years, they’ve adopted each other’s mannerisms, which is to be expected. The three of them live together, along with Rose. And the boys had been a couple for 2 years prior. Despite their denial of it, it probably isn’t ideal to be sharing a house with the girls, but with California’s housing costs it just makes sense. Especially since they all love living in the city. Close to public transportation and bars.

 

“I’ll turn off the notifications,” Poe says. He doesn't. He just turns off the phone entirely. Rey internally cringes, Kylo will be gloating about winning this round, for sure.

 

“Fine, but now I’m only getting this round. The rest is on you two,” she pouts and heads for the bar.

 

The group ahead of her in line is laughing and talking loudly, and she can’t help the inadequacy she feels seeing how easy socializing comes to most people. She may be an extrovert, but only around people, she feels comfortable with. And getting to that point isn’t easy. Unless, of course, there’s alcohol. The thought makes her bounce impatiently on the balls of her feet.

 

Being out at bars is usually fun for her. It’s just been a while and she’s sort of lost practice at face to face interaction. She doesn’t want to admit to the boys that she feels more comfortable arguing with that idiot Kylo than she does talking to strangers. She certainly doesn’t want them getting the wrong idea. The truth is that ever since she was a teenager, the internet has always offered her a safe haven that she’d never thought she’d find anywhere. She’d felt at home from the moment she first made her Myspace account because she could be whoever she wanted. Her status, or lack thereof, didn’t matter online. Neither did her shitty ass home life.

 

As the night progresses, Rey feels the tension dissolve. Her cheeks are warm and red from the alcohol by the time they step out of the third bar they’ve been to and the night breeze feels good against her skin.

 

By the time they make it home, stomachs full from street tacos and throats sore from yelling all night, Rey is completely content to just throw herself into bed and sink into the most comfortable sleep she’s had in weeks.

 

* * *

 

 

Monday’s generally suck for everyone, at least that’s what Rey hears. They’re her shortest days because she’s not required to be at the office, so she finishes her latest piece much quicker.

 

She’s sitting under a tree at that dog park, watching a large black greyhound be chased by BB8, their jack russell terrier, while she eats an ice cream when her phone pings.

 

**Facebook: “Finn” tagged you in a post on “HTML RULEZ Dood”**

 

**Text Message: Finn**

**Hey, I know you’ve been on a bit of a break from Facebook since Friday but can you please come collect your boy.**

 

Rey is momentarily confused by anyone being referred to as her boy until she checks the post she was tagged in and finds that Finn was referring to Kylo. It literally sets her teeth on edge. He’s not her boy and he certainly isn’t her responsibility. She puts the phone down and goes about her business only for it to go off again a few minutes later.

 

**Text Message: Finn**

**I KNOW you’re not busy and I’m bored at work desperately needing some good tea in my life**

 

She rolls her eyes, goes to the post Finn tagged her on and sees it’s a discussion about the namesake of the group, The Devil Wears Prada. It was a band she’d listened to a lot back in her high school days. Somehow the discussion had led to the deep rooted misogyny that a lot of these bands had in their music. A point Rey had made many times in her day.

 

It wasn’t hard to find Kylo on his very basic and cliched little “alternative music isn’t just about the screaming and makeup” soap box. Because of course he would be. She rolls her eyes again.

 

“This motherfucker, don’t you have a life?”

 

A man walking by with his dog looks at her, affronted, and walks faster. She sees him there almost every time she goes and her cheeks burn from the misunderstanding. She doesn’t have time to clarify before he’s already exiting the gated area.

 

“Dammit, Kylo causes problems everywhere.”

 

She continues reading the thread and sees that at some point Finn brought up the hypocrisy of Kylo’s criticism. Which then turned into a hate fest for My Chemical Romance. Again.

 

It isn’t that she can’t tolerate differing opinions. That’s a part of life, especially in her career. As a woman in journalism, she’s also very familiar with men who get off on disagreeing with her. But Kylo Ren is different. She’s never seen someone express such unfettered hatred for something as inconsequential as a band. She’d quickly come to assume it had to be personal. And she should just ignore him the way she does with any other toxic dude, but something about him always pulls her in. She loves to troll him. It just makes her day. Honestly, it’s not like she started it either.

 

The clashing she experienced with him at the beginning quickly developed into him being one of the first to always spam the comments of all her posts. It infuriates her that he’s never been admonished or put on probation. The group hardly ever bans anyone but she’s sure he’s very deserving of that. He’s an admin though, so he gets away with all of it. Because of course, he does. Because men.

 

Which is why she loves to troll his posts too when she has the time. She can’t help it. Kylo Ren is a man with opinions that need to be heard, according to him. You can bet she sometimes hops in random posts he’s on just to poke at him and watch him go even deeper on a rant. He is such a music snob and it honestly shocks her when he makes points that aren’t that far off the mark. It does happen, but generally, his takes are drenched in self-importance—an err of superiority.

 

Her favorite thing to do is accumulate as many tag groups as possible to use on him. He'd gone on a particularly hilarious rant when she’d tagged the group “Men. I expect nothing and still, I am disappointed,” on one of his posts.

 

She knows she’s being unfair, considering writing about music is her entire career. But even she doesn’t make a habit of writing essays about it on a freaking nostalgia group. If she sees someone post about a band she isn’t fond of she just keeps scrolling. If it’s a band she enjoys, she hits “like” and writes a brief comment. She isn’t sure why Kylo can’t do the same. It drives her insane how they’re stuck at a point of contention over it but she isn’t about to back out.

 

Rey mentally high fives herself for lasting two whole days without going at Kylo and then starts furiously typing away on her phone.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben has just locked up the store when his phone buzzes, causing him to grimace. He knows his mother is not going to let such an important event pass by without him attending and he’d really rather not. With a resigned sigh, he checks his notifications.

 

**Text Message: Mom**

**How are things with the record store, my Benny boy?**

 

**Text Message: Mom**

**Are you eating and sleeping well? I haven’t seen you in two whole weeks, you know Malibu isn’t far if you ever need a break.**

 

**Text Message: Mom**

**Also, I sent the info for the festival with Kaydel. She should be arriving at your apartment within the hour. Thank you again, my darling boy, for doing this for your mother.**

 

**Text Message: Mom**

**Also, did I mention Kaydel is still single? I’m just saying….**

 

His heart softens. He replies, assuring her he’s okay and makes plans with her for brunch the following weekend. Things have been a bit tense since he’d decided to open up Rebels Record Shop instead of going the way his family had paved for him. With his grandparents founding Naboo Records and passing it down to his mom and uncle, he knows it’s something he’ll probably never escape. The promise of owning and running the label always hangs over his head.

 

He’s obviously extremely grateful for lucking out as he did. It’s just a lot of pressure. Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala are the stuff of legends in the music industry. They met here in LA, when rockabilly was in its infancy. Had worked under the guidance of some of the biggest names in the industry, learning the ins and outs of the business.

 

Their record label had already established itself as influential and powerful once his mother and uncle took over. Artists like Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin had already worked with them when the twins inherited the label in the ’70s.

 

There’d been a point where they’d decided to launch sister production companies as well. With his mom launching Organa Productions and uncle Luke launching Skywalker Productions, it only got bigger from there.

 

Leia worked with artists like The Runaways and the Super Heroines, and is credited as a big supporter of the Queercore movement in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

 

Luke was deep into funk and psychedelic and even worked with Santana. In the 90’s he’d gotten into the reggae movement, so Sublime had been his pride and joy of a project. He’d mainly focused on local and underground bands since then, an irony really because as much as he fought it, he was still a big name in the industry.  

 

So yeah, Ben’s got some big shoes to fill and while his whole life had led him there when the time came for him to step up, he panicked. Rather than being angry with him, Leia keeps supporting him, saying she’ll give him the company when he’s ready. He feels utterly unworthy of her love sometimes, and that guilt often leads to him agreeing to do things he is not likely to do on his own, like go to this fucking festival. The thought of it alone makes a wave of anxiety crawl up his spine.

 

The last time he went to Warped Tour was one of the worst experiences he’s had to date. Yeah, he’d rather not think about that. This is the very last one though, the festival is being retired, and with his family having such deep ties to it, they need to be represented. Given that this corner of music is more in his wheelhouse, Leia did not give it a second thought before assigning this event to him.

 

He’s still thinking about the festival when he walks into his apartment and finds Kaydel sitting on the couch, occupied by her phone.

 

“Kaydel, as always, it’s such an enriching delight to see you,” he feigns formality.

 

“Shut up.” She throws a pillow at his head.

 

He chuckles, sitting next to her and grabs the envelope from the coffee table with the words “Benny Boy” written on the front. The package has two tickets. Because of course it does.

 

“A second ticket?” He asks, despite knowing full well what it means.

 

“Yep. She sure is subtle isn’t she.”

 

“Let me guess, she wanted you to tell me it’s time for me to meet someone because she’s not getting any younger and she needs grandkids.”

 

“You make my job as her assistant so much easier, you’re an angel. So, what’s for dinner?” Kaydel turns on the tv.

 

“Don’t you have more assisting to do?” He feigns irritation.

 

“I was off the clock the second you accepted the passes.” She retorts, walking to the fridge and grabbing a water bottle.

 

“You know my mother wants us to date, right?”

 

Kaydel chokes on her water. “You can’t just say shit like that when I’m off guard, dude.”

 

“Why haven’t you told her?” He hates to push the subject, but he knows that if anyone will be accepting, it’ll be his mother. It’s actually something very much obvious. Kaydel already knows this, and yet...

 

“It just hasn’t come up,” her eyes are trained on the water bottle. _I’m not ready. I’m scared she’ll hate me like my parents do. I can’t lose more family._ It’s what he knows she’s thinking but won’t say aloud.

 

Ben has known Kaydel since high school. When he was an awkward, much too tall senior and she was a shy and quiet sophomore. They’d tried dating when he was 18 and she was 16, but things didn’t feel right so they went back to being friends. It wasn’t until she’d moved out of her parent’s house and into an all-girls dorm that she’d fully realized why things never really took with any boy she dated.

 

She’s 25 now and just came out to her parents last summer, right after she’d graduated with her music theory degree. She had just moved back in with them so she could get established enough to live on her own. That all changed in an instant. Ben had been so angry when she showed up wild-eyed and panicked at 3 am to his apartment, only to collapse in his arms the second he opened the door. That was the night he punched a hole in his wall, something he hadn’t done in years. She’s been living with him since then and he has no plans to change that. As far as he’s concerned Kaydel is his sister, and as soon as his parents find out, they’ll claim her as their child, too. She doesn’t need her other “family.”

 

He knows Leia will love her twice as much as her birth parents ever could, knows it with every fiber of his being, and is about to argue that when his phone buzzes. As soon as he checks it, a grin spreads across his face. It’s none other than the thorn in his side, Rey. He’s been in a back and forth with her since yesterday morning, when the dude he’d been arguing with tagged her in and peaced out. He was irritated by the move at first, but he also could never deny himself the pleasure of going at it with this girl who apparently knew it all when it came to music. It was precious, really.

 

“I know that smile, you’re arguing with that girl again aren’t you?” Kaydel chuckles. “Dude, why are you such a douche to her? You go the extra length and I literally do not get it.”

 

“Hey, I can’t help it if she chooses the weirdest hills to die on when it comes to music,” he replies and begins to type up his response. Ben knows he has an unfair advantage, considering he’s been involved with the music business since birth. But he can’t help it, and so his favorite hobby takes over his night while Kaydel orders dinner for them from Postmates.

 

* * *

 

 

He’s on his lunch break at work, sitting in his office when he hears the bell go off, a sign that someone’s in the store.

 

**Text Message: Kaydel**

**Where are you loser**

 

**Text Message: Kaydel**

**YOU ASSHOLE YOU TOLD ME JANNAH WASN’T HERE**

 

**Text Message: Kaydel**

**I HATE YOU SO MUCH**

 

He hears Kaydel sputtering through her interaction with Jannah and then tries to hide his smile when she stalks in, glaring daggers at Ben. Her cheeks are flushed.

 

“I hate you, Solo, you dick.”

 

“Hey, I’m just trying to be a good wingman,” he winks.

 

“Yeah, well I just made an ass of myself out there, so consider yourself banned as my wingman.”

 

“You know I do it out of love.”

 

“Well, love me a little less,” she lectures as she sits down.

 

He sighs. “Fine, I guess I’ll just give my second Warped Tour VIP Badge to someone I can love fully.”

 

“Now, now, let’s not get too hasty.”

 

The banter continues as they eat together. Kaydel is looking at something on her phone when she starts cackling. “Oh god, we were such idiots in high school, but what a time to be alive.”

 

Ben looks up from his food and raises an eyebrow.

 

“It’s this thread someone started, of the famous MySpace kids that everyone was obsessed with. Oh My God. Kiki Kannibal! I remember her!”

 

Ben knows he shouldn’t. He knows he will regret this. But he navigates over to the “HTML Rulez Dood” group on his laptop and finds the thread anyway. Sure enough, someone has already mentioned her. There’s a thread 50 comments deep of Daisy Danger pictures. His heart is in his throat. Which is why he is not fully surprised when Kaydel speaks again.

 

“Holy shit, Ben. Daisy Danger? Didn’t you like, have a thing with her? Wait, no. Some asshole catfished you and used her right? Fuck, I remember when everyone used her pictures to make fake accounts, what a wild time.”

 

Ben tries not to think about it often because it was single-handedly the most fucked up way to have a first love, or what he thought was his first love. He online dated Daisy Danger for about a year before realizing there was no relationship because it wasn’t really her.

 

He was young, as was everyone else, they were all kids. But that really had messed with his head considering he’d spent a solid two years falling in love with someone who wasn’t real. So when he sees that dude Finn post a picture of himself with a girl, and tags Rey, outing her as Daisy Danger, he feels like he’s just been submerged under 10 feet of water.

 

Rey Niima, the girl he has spent the last year arguing with incessantly, is Daisy Danger, and he, unfortunately, has met her before.

                                                                                                     

 


	2. Lying Is The Most Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben deals with the return of someone from his youth. He mopes as only Ben Solo can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter will be in Ben's POV. I also updated the tags.

   

 

_I can't imagine all the people that you know_

_And the places that you go_

_When the lights are turned down low_

_And I don't understand all the things you've seen_

_But I'm slipping in between_

_You and your big dreams_

_It's always you in my big dreams_

_Konstantine - Something Corporate_

* * *

 

 

**_June 20, 2008_ **

It’s a bit hotter than he’d like but nothing will ruin this day. He looks forward to this every year, has been going to Warped Tour with uncle Luke since he was 8. It’s a tradition that no amount of rain or shine will ever change. 

 

Music is blasting from his computer, a playlist he made of all the bands he’s set to watch. He already knows the schedule, and doesn’t have to show up early to get the setlist. These are the days when he feels especially good about the perks he has. He doesn’t even have to wait in line or watch from the crowd, though, undoubtedly he will be in the middle of the pit for most of the day. At some point he’ll venture backstage though.

 

He’s giving himself one last look in the mirror before he leaves when his mom knocks on the door. 

 

“Benny, uncle Luke is here—Oh, you look so handsome, my precious boy!”

 

Ben rolls his eyes. “Mom…” 

 

“Just let me look at you, come here,” she waves him over from her spot at his doorway. He feels embarrassment and irritation growing inside him but it dies down as quickly as it appeared. Leia Skywalker has always been his weak spot. He trudges over, half heartedly grunting and complaining when she grabs his face and squeezes his cheeks. 

 

“Mom…” he repeats as he bats her hands away. She chuckles and opens her arms expectantly. 

 

Ben sighs, knowing it’s futile. He couldn’t deny her a hug even if he wanted. 

 

Just then Han walks by, dirt rag over his shoulder, beer in his hand. Ben narrows his eyes but looks away before his dad can catch it. 

 

He hears Han sigh, “Leia leave the boy alone, he’s growing into a man now, he doesn’t need you coddling him.” 

 

Just like that, Ben’s anger bubbles back up and he feels it spread to his fists. His dad has never understood him or the fact that touching is something humans can do when they want to express basic human emotion. For Ben, that need has always been magnified. Ever since he can remember he’s been someone who needed touch to ground him. Sometimes he’d get so overwhelmed that his skin felt too tight, he’d lose his ability to breathe and he’d dig his nails into his arms. He’d feel like he needed to get out of his own body, and his mom would rub her hands up and down his arms and run her fingers through his hair. Sometimes she’d hug him tight until the feeling went away. All his dad ever does in those moments is shake his head with a bewildered look. He doesn’t even try. 

 

To his dad Ben is an anomaly, someone who must be broken in some way. It feels like nothing he does will ever be enough for Han. If it isn’t that he’s too emotional, it’s that he dresses funny and likes weird things. 

 

His mom, on the other hand, has always loved everything Ben loves. She has an ear for music, obviously. And as for his other interests, it’s because of her that he even gets to embrace them. The first time Ben wore skinny jeans Han told him he looked prissy. He swears he’s never seen his mother so furious. She went on for hours about gender norms and misogyny. The next day she took him to Hot Topic and cleaned out all their stock. 

 

“Go back to your garage and stop ruining a good moment between a mother and her son,” Leia replies with the fiercest of sideyes. “You’re hardly ever home, and when you finally decide to grace us with your presence this is what you choose—”

 

Ben doesn’t get to hear the rest because Leia busies herself with shooing Han away, leaving him alone again. He goes to the computer to close his tabs out and sees his MySpace inbox has a new message. 

 

**From: Daisy! Danger**

**Date: June 20, 2008**

**Subject: miss u <3**

**Body: I wish I didn’t live so far away. You know I would totally be there with you, baby. I’ll be thinking of you all day today. I love you, cutie ;) <3**

 

Ben smiles, quickly typing out a response and closing out all his tabs. The background on his desktop is a collage of pictures Daisy has sent him over the last two years. She’s gorgeous and has the sexiest smile and he has no idea what she sees in him. He’s talked to her on the phone, but the time difference makes that difficult. They mainly stick to talking online. With one last  look around his room to make sure he doesn’t forget anything, he heads out to meet uncle Luke.

 

* * *

 

The thrill of being in the middle of a mosh pit is one he hopes he never tires of. He’s seen this band several times, but doubts he’ll ever get enough. He’s throwing punches, kicking and thrashing with the pit and he’s never felt more alive. Just then, he senses someone behind him right as he’s bending to avoid a kick to the face. The person uses his back as support, clutches onto his thigh momentarily and windmills over the crowd. He gets a flash of them out of the corner of his eye, sees the wild brown hair, their body moshing its way through the pit, and it strikes him as familiar yet out of place. He knows a lot of people here, so he figures it’s just another classmate and keeps his focus on the pit.

 

The band finishes and he takes the opportunity to venture backstage, he’s at least gotta go meet up with the label’s VIP guests. Despite his aversion to small talk with strangers, he finds that doing it as a stand in for his mom makes it easier to accomplish. Maybe he’ll even go meet that pop singer everyone is saying is about to hit it big. He’d seen her holding hands with the dude from Gym Class Heroes earlier, so she shouldn’t be hard to find. 

 

He’s just made it backstage and is talking to some of the crew when he sees her. Off in the distance, smiling that beautiful breathtaking smile he’s fallen deeply in love with. That’s when he realizes why the person in the pit seemed out of place to him, because Daisy lives in England. Everyone knows that. 

 

She’s wearing a My Chemical Romance t-shirt, which is not surprising in the least considering she’s known as a huge fan of theirs, and has on the cutest booty shorts. Everything around her melts away like a painting getting rained on. 

 

He has no idea how his feet manage to move, but they push him closer to her. He knows he’s smiling like an idiot but he literally can’t believe it. Daisy is here, in California, at Warped Tour. She’d shown up to surprise him. He’s stunned in disbelief.

 

As Ben approaches, her voice is the first thing that renders him even more speechless. It is so beautiful, the lilt of her accent is absolutely the sexiest thing he’s ever heard. 

 

She’s looking at him expectantly now, and apparently talking to him? 

 

He just blinks at her and she smiles again, bites her lip and looks at her feet. He wants to ravage her. 

 

“Daisy?”

 

She looks at him again and her eyes...he thought they were beautiful in pictures, but cameras do not do them justice. He’s pretty sure hazel is his favorite color now. 

 

“Hey,” he croaks, “I can’t believe you’re here.”

 

“Yeah, Daisy got us backstage passes! Can you believe it? So dope,” the boy standing next to her cheers. Ben hadn’t even noticed that she isn’t alone. 

 

He’s staring at the boy now, still feeling like maybe all of this is happening to someone else. There’s no way, absolutely no way that she’s really here right now.  

 

“This is Finn,” says Daisy. She looks at Ben for a few seconds, waiting for him to speak. Which he is still too stunned to do. 

 

Can he touch her? Will she disappear if he reaches out to hold her hand? This is something he was not prepared for at all, and there’s really no handbook for how to act the first time you meet  your long distance girlfriend. He just really wants to hug her, has spent countless nights wondering what she might feel like slotted against him. At 17, he’s already 6’1 and easily one of the tallest kids at school. She is so tiny. It definitely has a specific kind of effect on him. 

 

“Oh my gosh,” she says, looking down at his chest with excitement. It gives him an odd sense of pride to think she’s checking him out so boldly, until he realizes it’s his shirt that she’s looking at. Then, he feels proud for a much different reason.

 

“Ya’ll are both reppin MCR,” her friend Finn remarks.

 

Ben smiles down at Daisy.  _ I wore this for you, to carry you with me,  _ he wants to say, but the words are stuck in his chest. He has so much more he wants to say, so much he can do that just  wasn’t possible before. The possibilities are so incredibly endless now. 

 

“I’m so sorry, but what was your name? I don’t think I got it.” 

 

His smile drops, a small crease forming between his eyebrows. He just blinks at her. 

 

Daisy’s smile fades a little and she looks at Finn, shifting slightly away from Ben. He does not like the feeling he’s getting. 

 

It’s Finn who speaks up, “I think we should go, we don’t want to keep your  _ boyfriend _ waiting.”

 

Daisy looks even more confused but something seems to click in her mind, “Right! Yeah. Well it was so nice to meet you, kind stranger. I’m so sorry that I don’t remember you from anywhere. Unless you’ve been to the UK?”

 

This isn’t right. None of this feels right. 

 

Ben is just staring at her dumbfounded. He feels like someone punched him in the stomach. He has no idea how he manages to do it, but he replies. With a lie. “I’ve been there, but only to London proper.” 

 

He knows at this point he’s fishing for information that he won’t like, but he can’t stop himself. She must think he’s a random stranger who knows her from Myspace. The pit of his stomach almost turns in on itself at the mere consideration that it’s a pretty accurate assumption.

 

“Really?” Daisy replies, clearly trying to make the best of an awkward encounter. “It’s nice, isn’t it? I’ve only visited.” 

 

_ You told me you’d been born and raised there,  _ his mind is raging at him to say.  _ You also told me you loved me and thought of my hands when you made yourself come.  _

 

“Yeah, it’s—really something,” he replies, feeling so overwhelmed that it’s starting to numb out. “I’ve uh—I have to go. Have fun, though, enjoy the show,” he says, backing away. He’s feeling that itch again, the need to dig his nails into his skin is increasing.

 

“Yeah, thanks, and again, I really am sorry.” She looks so apologetic. Ben wants to puke. He tries to turn away but she grabs his arm. Her wide hazel eyes look at him with concern and his heart shatters. 

 

He can’t describe this odd sense of closeness he feels to someone who turned out to be a complete stranger. He wants to yank his arm away but also pull her in and kiss her. He shouldn’t do the former, because literally none of this is her fault. The latter is out of the question because they don’t know each other, they’re total strangers. 

 

That reality is one he can’t even begin to process.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay, mate?” She stares at him for a bit and he’s frozen on the spot.  _ She knows, oh my god, she knows.  _ A deep sense of panic sets in. 

 

Daisy opens her mouth to speak again, but Ben backs out of her grasp and turns away, walking as fast as possible to get away from her. 

 

He’s filled with utter devastation, humiliation and defeat. He’d gotten his ass kicked in the pit all day, but he’d gladly take that for eternity in exchange for never having gone through this.  

 

He feels that rage building in his chest, different from how he felt it earlier with Han. It feels like he just watched something dissolve in front of him. Like he’d been dreaming, and the fog lifted to reveal that none of it was real. He feels like he has lost something so massive, like a part of his soul was just ripped out. An emptiness settles deep inside. Like the lifeline to the only pure and beautiful thing he’s ever known has just been mercilessly cut off. But the thing that strikes him the hardest is the realization that he never had anything to begin with. 

 

He makes it to the trashcan just in time to empty out his stomach. It isn’t until he’s sitting on the sidewalk, rubbing the angry tears away that he realizes her real voice sounded nothing like the one he knew to be Daisy’s.  

 

* * *

 

**_May 2018_ **

 

When Ben was young, his anxiety would spike unexpectedly and cause some massive attacks. As he’d grown, he’d had to learn new ways to cope. His mom can’t always be around to ground him with her touch. 

 

Drumming had been an interest of his since he was old enough to hold a stick. Of all the instruments, it felt like the only one that was built to take what he could give. Playing it is wildly aggressive and fuzes his two greatest passions: music and hitting things. 

 

In the past decade, he’s used this as an outlet to help him get through his parent’s divorce, work through his decision to not take over the record label, and release all the stress from the time him and Kaydel got in a huge fight and she didn’t speak to him for two whole months. It had also helped him get through every breakup he’d had. Suffice it to say, playing the drums has helped him a lot. 

 

Ironically, the reason he finds himself here now is the same reason that drove him to drumming as a coping mechanism a decade ago. Daisy fucking Danger. 

 

He finishes off the song, feels the blood still rushing fast through his veins. His heart beating wildly as he wipes sweat from his forehead. 

 

“Feeling a bit stressed?” His uncle’s amused voice fills the room through the intercom.

 

Ben squints toward the sound booth until Luke turns the light on. 

 

“Oh, hey uncle Luke, sorry, I didn’t know you needed the space.”

 

“I don’t need it yet, but it’s been a while since my nephew stopped by and when I heard you were here, well, I knew it must be for a special occasion.”

 

He gives a humorless laugh. “Special is not the way I’d describe it.”

 

“Anytime you come home is special to me, son.”

 

Ben sighs. “I know.” 

 

As much as he wants to pull away, music production is in his blood. The music store is something he enjoys and doesn’t want to abandon, but nothing makes him feel as alive as being in the  studio, behind the scenes, backstage at concerts. 

 

“I take it you don’t want to talk about whatever brought you here?”

 

Ben looks down at the towel he’s fiddling with between his fingers. He feels like there’s sand in his throat. 

 

“Alright, son. We don’t have to talk. But Ben, just remember that I am always here. I will always listen, no matter what it is.”

 

Ben nods. “So, who do you have scheduled?” 

 

“Your most recent discovery.”

 

Ben smiles. As unprepared as he feels to be the CEO of the label, he’s always had an ear for scouting. It’s something he genuinely enjoys doing.

 

“Now that you’re here, there’s something I want to propose,” Luke says. “Your mom and I were talking and while we both believe you’d be great as CEO, we don’t think this “all or nothing” business is doing anyone good.”

 

Ben narrows his eyes and grins at his uncle. Luke had disagreed with the decision to give Ben an ultimatum, so he knew it was only a matter of time before he got his way.

 

“What did you do?” Ben inquires.

 

“How’d you like to be the A&R rep for The Sheevs?”

 

* * *

 

He can barely quantify the situation he currently finds himself in, much less explain it to someone else. The only person he can talk to is Kaydel, who thinks it’s the funniest thing ever, “kismet fuckery” is what she calls it.

 

Once he’d eagerly accepted the chance to represent his family’s label, Luke revealed that the band was booked for a full weekend at the San Diego County Fair and that a local journalist would be joining them. 

 

So later that night, when Luke emails him the details and links the contact information for the journalist, Ben feels like he’s going to throw up. Of all the journalists in the damn state, he’s collaborating with Rey Niima. Kaydel is right, it is absolute kismet fuckery.  

 

When he tells Kaydel, she first laughs and then, once her amusement for his misery dies down, she tells him to keep it totally professional the weekend they have to work. That he should flesh out how they vibe before deciding if he should tell her or not. 

 

“Wow, Kaydel, that’s actually solid advice. You’re such an adult now. I am so proud.”

 

She tells him to fuck off, but his pride remains over the solid advice she gave him. 

 

He’s now laying in bed, music playing from his laptop as he gives in to the gnawing intrigue and utter fascination. First, he looks through Rey’s facebook profile. He doesn’t find much. Her profile picture is obscure. So far, the only picture he has to go off is the one Finn posted. It seems her days of being an open book on MySpace taught her to be the complete opposite now. Considering she was literally used as bait back then, it’s justified on her part.  

 

He googles her name and finds all the articles she’s written. It suddenly dawns on him. This girl knows her shit. She’s not just a random girl in a nostalgia group. She’s an actual music journalist. He finds an article with a picture attached and feels the wind leave his lungs. 

 

“Holy fucking shit, she’s gorgeous.” He covers his mouth with his hand. He’s so screwed. 

 

He gets up to pour himself a whiskey. Ben hasn’t seen more than two current pictures of Rey and he’s already a nervous wreck. He feels 17 again.

 

Unfortunately, trying to find out about her only served to burst his old wounds wide open. It’s been years since Ben used his Photobucket account but he finds himself on the website, eagerly paying the fee to access his old pictures. 

 

He’s seen the pictures people shared of Daisy Danger in the group, but these feel different. They feel like they’re his. He knows that isn’t true. She had never been his, to begin with. But he fell for her, or better yet the idea of her, nonetheless. That’s what causes him to look through his old collages of Daisy Danger, remembering what it had been like to look into her strikingly beautiful hazel eyes.

 

That day when he saw her, talked to her, looked into her eyes, is a memory he’s kept locked away in a small corner of his heart for 10 years. He feels like such a creep because to her, he was just a random stranger. But to him, Daisy Danger was his world. There’s absolutely no way to not make that sound creepy, and the reality of it makes him feel even worse. 

 

It’s utterly confusing to him how quickly he can get deep in his feels for a girl he briefly met 10 years ago. The worst part is he’d never fully understood how to move forward from that. He’d built a bond with someone for two whole years, had dated them for one, and the whole time he fully believed it was Daisy. How does one move on from someone they never really knew? How does one convince the heart of this? 

 

It’s not like he’d spent a decade pining for her. He’d gone on to date other girls. He’d had more heartbreaks, unfortunately. The worst one he can recall was Bazine, two years ago. He remembers thinking he might one day feel ready to propose. The day never came, obviously. That breakup really messed him up. It was one of the very few times he let his mind wander through memories long forgotten. Let himself go through his pictures of Daisy, wondering who she grew to be. Who she grew to love. Who she truly was back when he met her. 

 

Now, he finds himself at that point again. Wondering who the girl is who ravaged his heart unknowingly 10 years ago. And he feels a dread realizing he won’t get to just wonder anymore. Because he’s gonna meet Rey in a few days. And Daisy Danger won’t be a mystery anymore. Another wave of anxiety hits him when he realizes she might remember him, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't express how grateful I am that anyone is even reading my drabble. It means a whole lot. Thank you for the kudos, comments, and subscribes. Even if you leave none of those, thank you for the read.


	3. All Alone Inside Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's reflects on the adversities she faced in her youth and how they continue to haunt her. A promising new opportunity crosses her path, but it comes with risks. 
> 
>  
> 
> Ben and Rey's connection is revealed to be deeper than previously assumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This chapter will be centered fully on Rey's past and present, but her and Ben meet in the next chapter! So, bear with me, ya'll.*
> 
> Please mind the updated tags! This chapter explores anxiety and abandonment issues and mildly mentions eating disorders and trauma stemmed from immigration issues. 
> 
> I know that right now, especially, issues surrounding immigration and mass deportations are at an all-time high. Fic is meant to be an escape from those things, but I feel these stories need to be told as well. 
> 
> However, I respect the reader's decision to curate their experience, so if you want to skip any talk on the matter, skip everything between: "She's known Poe as long as she's known Finn," and "His eyes soften."
> 
> As for the other matters, they are interwoven throughout the chapter so it's a bit harder to pinpoint what to avoid. 
> 
> I did not originally plan to add Spanish to the mix, it just sort of happened. I was going to add translations in the end notes, but decided there were few enough that I could just add them to the text itself. I like to use italics throughout the story to depict internal or past dialogue, but you'll also see the direct translations in italics with some added context in brackets and italics. 
> 
> *A special shoutout to Feelitstill2 on twitter (idk your ao3 name or i'd tag it in here). She gave me a major boost by writing me the sweetest tweets about the fic. Thank you!*

* * *

 

_How do you feel? That is the question_

_But I forget, you don't expect an easy answer_

_When something like a soul becomes initialized_

_And folded up like paper dolls and little notes_

_You can't expect a bit of hope_

_And while you're outside looking in_

_Describing what you see_

_Remember what you're staring at is me_

_Through Glass - Stone Sour_

* * *

 

 

**_March 2, 2008_ **

 

Rey stands in front of the mirror and fights the feelings as they slowly creep into her chest again. The feelings of being detached, inadequate, out of place. 

 

She isn’t sure what to think of her life anymore, because so much change has stormed through, emptied out what little she knew, and filled it back up with new elements. 

 

Sometimes she feels like every day is a fragile experience that she needs to clutch onto. Other days, she’s hollow and can’t bring herself to feel anything. Because nothing has ever stayed. Life is always unpredictable. 

 

Up until Obi-Wan. _Uncle_ Obi-Wan is what she’s meant to call him. 

 

“You’re my family,” he likes to tell her. “You won’t ever be alone again.”

 

_Family._

 

The term feels foreign to her lips. 

 

He means well, she thinks. Has tried to get her to open up more. Asks her how she’s doing periodically but doesn’t push. Not that she’d answer anyway. 

 

Sometimes, she awakes so relieved to be free of her night terrors that she walks in a haze of euphoria all day. But mostly, she feels like the terrors remain with her, like a fog that stays ever present, keeping her forever obstructed from the world around her. 

 

She balls her hands into fists and lets them go, repeats the exercise several times. Takes deep breaths. Closes her eyes and remembers the ocean from home, how different it is from the one she now lives closest to. She has no idea what she’s doing, but has developed the habit of repeating the coping mechanism a counselor once taught her. 

 

_“Ground yourself. Feel how real you are. Do four by four breathing,”_ the nameless counselor had said. 

 

Right before dumping her off at the Jakku Children’s Home. 

 

She refused to learn the counselor’s name, despite the several attempts she made to connect with Rey. 

 

There was no point.

 

She already knew what information was useful to her and what wasn’t. She’d never see the counselor again.

 

Rey remembers sitting in the passenger seat, staring off toward the ocean as she was hauled off to the next shelter. 

 

Bracing herself for whatever environment she’d have to adjust to. Her very few belongings in a knapsack at her feet. 

 

In the present, she feels her heartbeat increase and opens her eyes. Swallows thickly and runs to the bathroom attached to the room where she now lives. _Her_ private, personal bathroom. 

 

It’s still something she can’t quantify.

 

Rey has never owned more than a few articles of clothing at a time. Has always had to share everything. Now she has an entire room and bathroom to herself. 

 

She splashes her face with water, opens the window next to the mirror and gets some fresh air.

 

She is okay now. She is okay.

 

As of today, it’s been 2 months since she moved here and Obi-Wan still hasn’t decided to return her.

 

A brief knock on her door pulls her from her thoughts. It still confuses her that Obi-Wan knocks. 

 

He says privacy is a basic right and he won’t ever violate that. She’s never had privacy. So she isn’t sure what that really looks like. 

 

“Hey, sunshine,” his voice comes through the door. “Are you ready to go?” 

 

She blinks, still not used to how affectionate he is. Rey flinches at affection, unsure if it’s something she should accept or not. 

 

When she first moved in, Obi-Wan had taken to hugging her at least once a day. He quickly picked up on her discomfort and stopped.

 

She appreciates that he did that. It’s the first time someone has been so concerned with her comfort.

 

He hasn’t even brought up their history. She knows that he’s her uncle. Knows that her birth father was his younger brother.

 

But he hasn’t tried telling her anything about it beyond how pointless the DNA tests felt to him because he’d known the second he’d seen her. 

 

“Sunshine?”

 

She knows he won’t open the door until she tells him to. Is still getting used to having that power over any space.

 

“Yeah, I’m here. You can come in.”

 

Once he’s inside she looks down at the way she’s dressed compared to him and feels foolish. 

 

“I, uh, I haven’t really been to a dinner party before. I guess I’m underdressed,” Rey stands awkwardly. The clothes that were waiting for her when she first arrived was more than she’d ever owned in her whole life. 

 

Unfortunately, they also were a bit too big, but they were _for her_ . She wasn’t about to criticize them. 

 

Obi-Wan’s eyes soften. “Sunshine, we need to talk.” 

 

Rey feels a sense of dread. _This is it. He’s giving up on me._ The thought is both terrifying and unsurprising. 

 

She nods and looks gloomily at her feet. 

 

“Rey, how long have you been here?” 

 

“T—Two months,” she falters. 

 

Obi-Wan sits on her desk chair. 

 

_I am about to give all this back._ Her lizard brain supplies. _It’s a good thing I hardly used any of it._

 

“Two months,” he repeats. “Today is the anniversary, you know.” 

 

She nods gloomily. 

 

“I haven’t wanted to push you at all, Rey. I know that none of this is easy for you.” He scratches his beard and chuckles. “I’m an old man, I don’t know what I’m doing and I got _too_ excited.” 

 

She lowers her head. If crying was a thing she did, she supposes this is when she’d do it.  

 

“I just wanted you to feel welcome. To see that I had everything here for you already. That I wasn’t put out. But my goal is to have a healthy line of communication, I want you to feel safe in telling me what you do and don’t like. Please don’t be what you think I want you to be, just be yourself.” 

 

Her head shoots straight up to look at him. “What?” 

 

“Sunshine, I’ve had Maz on my ass since the first week you got here about your clothes. That it doesn’t even fit you right, that you look robotic in it.” 

 

Rey starts to mess with the edge of her shirt. 

 

“You don’t have to say anything. It was my wrongdoing. What you wear is your decision. Not mine. I should have waited for you to move in so _you_ could choose your clothes.” 

 

She stares at Obi-Wan. 

 

“You try to wear that black t-shirt of yours as often as possible. The one with the guys on it. It’s almost worn completely out. We can get you more of those, if you want.”

 

This...is not at all what she expected.

 

“You are my daughter now, Rey. All I have is yours. Please don’t be afraid to be yourself.” 

 

She feels a weight slowly press down on her chest.

 

“Daughter?” 

 

Obi-Wan smiles and pulls an envelope from his back pocket. He takes out papers and hands them to her.

 

“Ad—adoption?” She feels her breathing get heavier and then runs to the restroom to throw up. 

 

* * *

 

 

**_July 4, 2008_ **

 

The smell of barbeque wafts in the air as Rey lays out in the sun. 

 

It still feels like a dream that she will awake from at any given moment. She can’t believe this is her life. She still refuses to fully accept it. Sometimes, she chooses to believe it’s an extended vacation she’s having. 

 

_He could still change his mind._ A nasty internal voice supplies. 

 

Rather than repressing it, she lets herself feel it. _I am not being sent back, I am here and I am not leaving._ Rey says to the nasty thoughts in her head, just like her therapist has been teaching her to do. 

 

Dr. Amilyn Holdo is this badass lady with pastel purple hair. Her office is next to the bay in La Jolla. 

 

Sometimes she takes Rey out to the park off the shore and they’ll sit at a bench and talk while they watch the tide slap against the shore. 

 

_“You deserve to feel things, Rey.”_ She likes to say. “ _You didn’t choose your circumstances, you were a child who was victimized and failed by many people. You deserve to feel whatever you want about it but do not under any circumstances feel guilty over it. You didn’t make these choices for your life.”_

 

Rey sighs as she feels the heat of the sun beat down on her skin. The sound of the waves mixed with the seagulls in the distance soothes her. 

 

The sun is at its highest peak, she’s momentarily relieved of its intensity when a cloud slowly creeps in, blocking it. A plane flies overhead, headed north. The birds chase it across the sky. Rey watches them as they fade away in the clouds. 

 

Her thoughts go back to her talks with Amylin. 

 

Recently she’s talked to Rey about the dangers of suppressing emotions. That it gives power to your abusers. Takes control of your life. 

 

It sounds so easy when she says it. 

 

When Rey is with her, things feel a lot easier to confront. She’s never felt so comfortable with someone whose job it was to get her to speak. But she’s also never seen someone as often and consistently as she’s seen Dr. Holdo. 

 

“Rey!” Screams a voice from the distance.

 

She smiles and sits up. “Finn!” She yells back. 

 

He runs up to her, feet plowing into the sand. Finn has become her best friend, something she’s never allowed herself to have. But was challenged to find by Dr. Holdo. 

 

The fact that Finn was adopted out of foster care by her uncle’s closest friend, Maz, means he understands her on a level most people won’t. 

 

Going to the same school was a huge help, too.

 

“I see you went with the electric blue, nice choice,” Finn compliments as he fist bumps her. 

 

Rey looks down at her bathing suit. 

 

“Yeah well, I figured I’m gonna get red enough with all this sun, and I’ve already got white covered,” she holds up her manicured, white fingernails. 

 

Dr. Holdo has challenged Rey after every session to perform an act of self-love since she started seeing her four months ago. Little things here and there. 

 

Things she never would have considered before. Getting her nails done was one task she struggled with completing more than she expected. 

 

She also loved it more than she expected, ironically. 

 

“I know you Americans love to have all your colors represented, so” she shrugs. 

 

“Girl, your skin gets gorgeously tanned, you do not turn red, I don’t know what you’re even talking about. And in contrast with the blue? You look _good_ .” 

 

Rey grins and flushes. 

 

Finn is definitely someone who loves to compliment. It’s not like she hasn’t been told these things before. 

 

She knows she’s attractive. She’s built an entire internet following on her appearance alone. It’s just still a bit jarring for her to hear the compliments out loud. 

 

Especially from someone who doesn’t want anything from her. 

 

Being Daisy Danger made her feel a sense of importance and value when she had nowhere else to get it from. 

 

The problem is that on MySpace, she can’t tell who wants her for her fame and who wants to really know her.

 

There’s also the fact that she has to constantly report fake accounts. It feels intrusive on a level she can’t even express to see people stealing her pictures like that. 

 

Despite all that, she still can’t find the courage to stop being Daisy Danger. 

 

Daisy is liberated. She is whoever she wants to be, talks to whoever she wants to talk to. 

 

“Please tell me we can use those,” Finn points to the jet skis parked off in the distance. 

 

“We can,” Rey beams. “They are, after all, _mine_ to use for the day.”

 

She fights off the feeling of inadequacy. 

 

The sensation that she should feel guilty for indulging in all this stuff when she knows about all the kids back in England. The ones who still have to live the life she lived for 16 years. 

 

_You’re not guilty_ , her mind supplies the words. _You didn’t choose the way your life went. Live in the present._

 

She can almost hear Dr. Holdo as if she were here too. Rey feels the nasty guilt lighten. 

 

“Well, why are we still on land then? Let’s go hit the waves,” Finn says and takes off running ahead of her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

A pair of seagulls are playing along the top of the water, chirping at each other. Fish swim along with the water current, following the flow of the waves. They all scatter once the purr from the jet skis escalates to a booming roar. 

 

The laughter of the two teens travels far enough to be heard by the adults who sit in the distance, watching them play. 

 

“Rey is making such incredible progress, I can’t thank you enough,” Obi-Wan shares as he settles down next to Leia, Luke, and Maz at a table by the pool.  

 

A lifeguard Obi-Wan hired for the day stands at his post, eyes glued to Finn and Rey. 

 

Leia laughs. “No thanks to you, you old goof.” 

 

He flushes. 

 

“Maybe don’t come on too strong the next time you’re trying to encourage her to _not_ feel pressured,” adds Maz. 

 

“And by that, she means don’t send her into panic mode,” says Luke around his beer bottle. 

 

“Like springing the idea of adopting the girl the same day you try to explain autonomy to her when she’s never had any semblance of it her whole life,” Leia lectures. 

 

“Baby steps,” Maz supplies as she opens a beer bottler of her own.

 

“Yes, I got all of that, thank you all for dogpiling,” Obi-Wan jokingly snaps, trying to will the flush in his cheeks to go away. 

 

“For the record, I think everything you’ve been doing for her is admirable, even if did you come on a bit too strong at first,” jokes Luke.

 

Obi-Wan looks back toward the beach and sees Rey laughing and shielding her face as Finn uses the Jet ski to splash her. 

 

“Admirable? No…” 

 

He feels a knot in his throat and coughs, taking a swig of his beer. 

 

“This is all the very least I could do. I spent decades shutting out my brother. If I hadn’t, Rey wouldn’t have spent all that time in—“

 

“Don’t do that,” Leia interrupts. “ _You_ didn’t make the choice to leave her, your brother did. What matters is you found each other. _You_ are providing the best care to help her move forward.” 

 

Obi-Wan looks toward Rey. 

 

“You’re right,” he says, knowing full well the guilt in his chest may always linger there. Despite how much his love for Rey is blooming. 

 

“Dr. Holdo has gotten her to make such huge strides in her progress,” he adds in effort to change the subject. “She even hugged me today.” 

 

Leia smiles. “I’m glad to hear it. I knew Amilyn would be a good fit for Rey. Ben used to see her quite often when he was younger.” 

 

“Speaking of which, where is Ben? It’s been a long time since I last saw the kid” Obi-Wan turns toward the house, hoping to see the dark head of hair. 

 

“He hasn’t been feeling all that great lately. Been in a real funk. Hasn’t even left his room. I figured it was just teenage hormones, but I’ll probably have Amilyn stop by next week.” 

 

“Yeah, well Han’s no help either,” Luke bitterly adds. Causing Leia’s eyes to snap toward him.

 

Just then, Rey and Finn run up to the pool, laughing. 

 

“I won!” Rey cheers. 

 

“You’re in way better shape than me, that’s hardly fair,” says a winded Finn.

 

Rey blushes furiously, causing Obi-Wan and Maz to give each other a knowing glance. 

 

“So this is the wonderful girl you’ve been telling us about, Obi-Wan,” remarks Leia, catching the attention of both teens. 

 

Rey looks at Obi-Wan and blinks. He tries not to dote on her too much, knowing how unpredictable her reactions can be. 

 

It pains him in a deep way to see someone he shares blood with be so hesitant to accept love. It often keeps him up at night, despite trying not to let it haunt him. 

 

No matter how hard he tries, every time he closes his eyes to sleep, he sees Rey as he first found her. In dilapidated pajamas and most definitely too underweight for a 16-year-old.

 

He clears his throat and powers through another fresh wave of guilt. 

 

“Leia, Luke, this is my ray of sunshine,” he motions for Rey to come closer as he stands. “And this is her best friend, Maz’s son, Finn.” 

 

“Rey, Finn, these are my dear friends, Leia Skywalker and her twin Luke Skywalker, they're the ones who got you both those festival passes.” 

 

The teens look at each other wide-eyed. 

 

“What a pleasure to meet you, Rey and Finn,” Leia says first. 

 

“It’s such an honor to meet you Ms. Skywalker,” Finn speaks after Rey stays quiet a moment too long. 

 

“Oh please call me Leia, it makes me feel old when people are formal,” she smiles warmly. 

 

Finn smiles in return and nudges Rey, who blinks several times before looking toward Luke.

 

He also insists they use his first name and tells Rey she can consider them extended family. That makes her cheeks blush and she shyly grins.

 

“I’m so sorry I missed meeting you both at the festival,” Luke adds, “I had to keep track of my nephew and that can be a job in itself.” 

 

“Did you enjoy yourselves? I know my Ben loves going to that festival every year.” 

 

“It was incredible,” Rey says almost immediately. 

 

After the initial awkwardness, it seems the dam breaks because Rey can’t stop talking about music with Leia.

 

It goes on for a solid hour before Obi-Wan joins them again and hears Leia tell Rey that she should seriously consider getting into the music industry. 

 

“You have such a spark in you, it makes hearing your take on things fascinating. Have you ever thought about studying music?” 

 

Rey blushes, again. She’s been doing that a lot today. It’s clear she’s not used to all the positive reinforcement and it makes Obi-Wan’s heart _ache._

 

She fidgets with a string from her bathing suit and looks down at her lap. A nervous habit he’s become very familiar with. 

 

“I hadn’t really ever planned on going to college,” she admits, “it’s just...never been in the cards for me.” 

 

“A mind like yours? There’s no way it isn’t meant to shine,” says Leia. “Women like you are destined to disrupt things in a big way.” 

 

Rey looks at her, visibly taken aback. “You really think so?” 

 

“There’s nothing to think about. Finding talent has been in my DNA since before I was born. And it’s emanating from you.”  

 

Rey stays quiet and Obi-Wan can tell she’s feeling overwhelmed.

 

“The good thing is,” he chimes in, “now college _is_ in the cards for you if that’s what you want. But it isn’t something to worry about right now. Right now, all you need to worry about is having fun.” 

 

Rey beams at him. 

 

He leans over and whispers, “I have it on good authority that there’s some Hodad’s in the kitchen for two very hungry teens.” 

 

Her eyes widen. If one thing can make the world around her dissolve, it’s a Hodad’s burger. 

 

“Alright,” Leia interjects, laughing, “go on before I sneak past you and steal that burger.” 

 

Rey thanks her for the talk and excuses herself, shouting for Finn on the way inside. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

She’s licking the remnants of her burger from her fingers, waiting for Finn to come back from the restroom when Luke saunters in and picks at the trays of food. 

 

It would normally bother her to see so much food lying around, wasting away. But she heard Obi-Wan instruct the caterers to pack it all up and store it away in an hour. She makes a mental note to rummage through it once everyone leaves. 

 

“Hey, Rey,” he smiles warmly. 

 

She smiles back. “Hi, Luke.” 

 

“It’s too bad we missed seeing you at Warped Tour. I hope you didn’t have trouble getting around with the passes.” 

 

“It was very fun actually, like, the best. We had no trouble at all.” 

 

“I go to that festival every year. I may be an old coot, but it sure is fun seeing the new generations enjoy their music.” 

 

“That’s so cool. I’d actually never been to a festival before, that was my first.” 

 

Luke smiles widely. “I’m so glad you got the full Naboo Records experience, then. Maybe next year you can join me and Be—"

 

“Rey, you’ve gotta check out the ringtone I just—oh, hi Mr. Skywalker,” says Finn as he runs into the kitchen. 

 

Luke greets him, insisting that Finn calls him by his first name. 

 

“Leia and I have never really been into formalities. That’s for the adults.”

 

Finn grins. “Ok, Luke.” 

 

“See? Doesn’t that roll off the tongue easier?” he teases. 

 

Something about his presence is calming. Even Finn seems more relaxed than he normally is around adults.

 

“Well, I’ve gotta make my way back to my corner outside before they start to miss me too much. But before I forget,” he pulls out his wallet and hands Rey two business cards. 

 

She looks at them in confusion and then at Luke. 

 

“I agree with my sister, you’ve got a lot of potential. God knows we need more women in the business, too. You’re still young and have time to think about what you wanna do when you’re older, but just know that no matter what, you can reach both me and Leia for whatever you need. No pressure, okay?” 

 

“Ok,” she nods. “Thank you.” 

 

As he walks off, she looks at the second card and sees the words “ _I can’t wait to watch you take over the world,”_ written in an elegant cursive below Leia’s contact info. 

 

* * *

 

**_May 2018_ **

 

It’s a relatively cool evening. The window in her room is open, the sun can be seen setting through it. 

 

Rey’s been answering emails non stop since she got back from her jog. She tosses an empty bag of cookies in her trash can. She’d been ravenous after her run. 

 

She’s reaching into the container of snacks she keeps under the bed when someone knocks from her doorway.

 

“Hey,” says Finn, “we’re ordering Chinese, you want in?” 

 

She grins. “Duh.” 

 

He smiles and walks further in, sitting on her beanbag. He doesn’t mention the container of food, which is normal for him. He’s essentially her brother. Bonded from shared traumas. He knows better than anyone that old habits die hard. 

 

“What’s this?” Asks Finn, nodding toward her bluetooth speaker. 

 

“It’s the EP for this band I’m covering next month,” Rey answers as she sends one last email and closes her laptop. 

 

Finn lifts a contemplative brow. “I dig it.”

 

“Yeah? I’ve been scoping them out for a while, I really like the indie rock, psychedelic vibes.”

 

They both walk out to the living room with an excited BB8 in tow. The sun has just set. The tv is on, so Poe can watch some soccer tournament he’s been following. 

 

“GOOOOOL!” Poe yells from the kitchen, which is open concept, so he easily sees the tv while he preps his famous sangria fruit punch for tomorrow’s pool party. 

 

Rey sneaks up while he’s grabbing stuff from the pantry and steals a piece of fruit from the mix.

 

“Oye!” Poe exclaims. Rey giggles and backs away from his playfully narrowed eyes. _"Hey!"_

 

“I’m sorry, you know I can’t help it.” She feigns regret. “Esta delicioso, en serio,” she adds, knowing it’ll win her extra points. _“Seriously, it’s delicious”_

 

She’s known Poe as long as she’s known Finn. They met in high school when they both started as new sophomores. He had moved to San Diego to be closer to his parents who were stuck in Tijuana. 

 

Despite being 16 and on his own, Poe had done it without question. Rey has always admired that about him, felt a kinship with him. If she’d have known who her parents were she’d have done the same thing.

 

As long as she’s known him, Poe has always been the one to smile and look at the beauty of things. Despite having his whole life torn in half as a teenager when they’d taken his parents away. Leaving a 16-year-old to fend for himself, having a fence taunt him every day as he was the only one in his family able to cross it. Cutting those wounds open again every time he did. 

 

She had fallen in love with his resolve. The fight in his eyes. Not in a romantic way, no. When she met him, she thought of family. She knew he’d be a part of hers. He’s her brother. 

 

His eyes soften, “You’re such a brat, _guerita._  But I am impressed at how good your Spanish has gotten, so I’ll allow it.” “ _blondie” <term of endearment> _

 

“Aw babe,” Finn snakes his arms around Poe from behind. “How can you blame Rey for loving your sangria so much?” He gives Poe a tender kiss on the cheek. “Déjala, amor.” _“Leave her, love.” <Forgive her> _

 

Poe’s jaw tightens. “Now you’ve got him speaking Spanish!”

 

Rey laughs and backs away. “I’m gonna go order the Chinese.”

 

An hour later they’re all sitting in the living room, watching Parks and Rec reruns and eating dinner. 

 

BB8 is in his little corner, chewing away at his food the way he always does when he sees them eat. 

 

“So, when are you covering that band?” Finn asks around a mouth full of food, knowing it irritates Rose and doing it anyway. Those two are always bickering. 

 

Pointedly ignoring Finn, Rose rolls her eyes and settles further into the couch. “You got another assignment? That’s exciting!”

 

“Yeah! It’ll be at the end of the month. Poe, you’re gonna love this, I’m covering their run at the County Fair.”

 

“Oh no, don’t get him started on the Fair,” warns Finn. 

 

Poe looks genuinely affronted. “You knew what you were getting into when you fell in love with me,” he says with the most serious expression, “the work never ends for an event promoter. Once you take the oath, it’s a lifelong commitment.”

 

“Oh yeah,” Finn quips, “we all know how serious that oath makes things.”

 

“You two are like Fred and Ethel,” Rose interjects. “Bunch of old grumps.”

 

“We are not old,” Poe replies. “We’re just seasoned.”

 

Rose blinks at him. “What band are you covering, Rey?”

 

“It’s a new one I scoped out a while back, they’re called The Sheevs. I just talked to Luke, actually. He saw a piece I did about them for the magazine and asked if I’d be open to reviewing their new set.”

 

“And Plutt just let you have it?” Poe asks as he’s taking a sip of his beer. 

 

“Plutt doesn’t know.” 

 

The three look at her with surprise. 

 

Finn puts his food down, a clear sign she has his attention. 

 

Rey looks down at the box of chicken fried rice in her lap, pushes it around with her fork. “I’m not telling Plutt.”

 

Poe grins. “A rebel through and through, I love you guerita.” 

 

“Fuck yeah,” Rose adds, before finishing her wine in one go. “Plutt’s an asshole. There’s no way your contract with him is ethical. I’ve been telling you that forever.” 

 

Rey looks at Finn expectantly, noticing he’s been uncharacteristically silent. He looks wary. Like he's being extremely careful with his words.

 

“Peanut, I’m not defending him. He took advantage of you, we all know it. It’s an outdated contract and he’s a sleazy asshole for having used it on you…but it’s still a legally binding contract and I really don’t want you getting into any trouble.” 

 

“Yeah, but this is Luke,” Rey defends, “he’s been in the business longer than Plutt.”

 

“So Luke knows?” 

 

She chews on her lower lip, fidgeting with her spaghetti strap. The sounds of nightlife can be heard in the distance through their open window. 

 

A car passes and illuminates the street. For a moment she can see the headlights shine onto the palm tree in their front yard. She sees the leaves sway in the wind and wishes her life was that simple. That she could just merely exist. Wishes she was free of any obligation. 

 

“I didn’t have time to explain it,” Rey finally answers. 

 

“I don’t know about this,” says Finn. “It doesn’t sound like it’ll end well.” 

 

Finn understands her more than anyone, considering he’s worked for Plutt too. But at his junk shop. Thankfully he moved on to a better one where he can actually put his mechanic skills to use and doesn’t just waste his days away being an errand boy and a janitor. The new place he works at adjusts to his class schedule, too, and even granted him a scholarship when he decided to go back to school. 

 

The point is, Finn got away from sleazy Plutt. So it makes Rey seethe a bit that he’s pushing back on her attempts to do the same.

 

“Well, you wanna know what I know?” Rey bristles. “I know that Luke and Leia have tried for a decade to help me and I made some stupid choices because I wanted to do it all on my own. I know that it has to stop at some point. I know that if I have to keep working under Plutt I will literally lose my mind and at this point, risking everything is better than staying where I am.” 

 

“Well, I think,” Poe chimes in almost immediately, “that this food isn’t gonna eat itself.” 

 

Finn looks like he isn’t ready to drop the subject, but is too distracted by Poe eyeing his plate to fully hold his ground. 

 

When Poe actually reaches for Finn’s food, the subject is dropped entirely in exchange for hand smacking and empty threats over food boundaries. 

 

The subject doesn’t come up again, but a sense of unease settles in Rey’s mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP me, this was originally meant to be a fic where two (2) idiots have scream matches about emo music. True to form, the characters are taking me the scenic route instead and going hard on the feels. 
> 
> Biggest apologies for the delayed release of this chapter. I have a hard boundary for this fic where I won't post a chapter unless I've got the next one already written. It just helps my anxiety and accountability. 
> 
> The reception this story has gotten has really stunned me. I am quite literally a walking MySpace reference and I can't believe how many people relate.

**Author's Note:**

> Ya'll have NO idea how anxious I have been to post this story for a long time but I promised myself I wouldn't until I was several chapters in and I finally met that goal. (side eyes my unfinished WIPS) 
> 
> If you liked it, let me know?
> 
> Also, find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/@DeathDama) where I spend entirely too much time.


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